Wednesday, 20 January 2016


The heart goes for a spin and the chemicals released make you feel happy, relaxed, excited, completely lost in the thoughts of your partner.  There is a desire to please the partner, one tends to almost become like an extension of the spouse. This leads to a loss of individuality and self identity . The next phase is the feeling of the original identity not being accepted or given importance, The problem starts when one tries to please the opposite person, thus displaying qualities which may not be their original identity. Then comes the rebel phase, where the person wants to be accepted for their true self."
"The choices could be as simple as which movie to watch, which restaurant to go to, which furniture to buy for home, but it is here that your own identity tends to get compromised. It then spills on to which friend circle to have, the clothes you should wear, etc., things that are so personal to the sense of self that the one who is adjusting will want to prove their sense of `I'.
"A perfect relationship needs to be a blend of two lifestyles, a little bit of compromise from both, lots of together time as well as having an individual life too. However, when one partner keeps giving in to the demands of the other, you will see that the boundaries getting blurred; they don't have time for their friends or for themselves. They will change their routine, give up their hobbies and interests and be occupied only with what their partner likes and dislikes.
This is also possible in a relationship where one of the partner is totally in control or acts as a martyr and creates guilt. Low self-esteem, lack of positive belief and a need to be liked and accepted are other reasons for a partner losing their identity in a relationship. Develop your own set of friends, create separate activities, work areas and spaces to come out of the comfort zone and dependency.
"Harish Shetty suggests ways to deal with this, "Be yourself. Share your thoughts and feelings early with your partner and those close to you. When your dignity is assaulted, wake up. Let the time between thought and action shrink. Chase your small wants and desires and do not put all your emotions in one basket of your spouse. Take a stand effectively on a conflict and provide space to your spouse to change, express and share." 
Build your confidence and accept yourself while trying to attain your own identity.Unconditional love is about accepting the person for who they are and their choices. So appreciate your own individuality and uniqueness while also accepting the opposite person for who they are.Don't grudge or criticise the other person for their choices, since it will rob your partner of confidence.

Don't let yourself be a prisoner of your past, free yourself to create another chapter in life

Do not accept the unacceptable, you are worth more! it is better to live honestly than accepting continuing unacceptable behaviour. One is ...