Children are naturally superstitious. They try hard to avoid treading on the cracks in paving stones lest monsters appear. Kids, though, can change the rules. One moment, the cracks are to be avoided, the next, it is the stones themselves that are dangerous and the spaces between them that are safe. As we grow older we become more set in our ways. Thus, we deny ourselves pleasures and opportunities we are perfectly entitled to take. The rule that you need to abide by, is the rule that says it is okay for you to write your own rules.
Don't seek an explanation for the inexplicable. Some factors in your life defy logic. Any attempt to make sense of them will result in confusion. You will, at best, come up with a theory that will collapse as soon as you test it. The notion you replace it with will do much the same. It is not a question of 'If this is happening, then that must be the reason.' It is, 'This is happening. Never mind the reason. What do I feel most strongly moved to do about it?' Trust your most constructive urge for impulse. A stressful saga ends soon.
None of us really know ourselves as well as we might want to. Those who claim to have a watertight sense of identity are merely protecting themselves from possibilities that they don't yet feel ready to face. It takes courage and honesty to concede that you don't completely know who you are or what you want. To say as much for too long, though, is also unwise. You are now getting the balance right. Don't define your sense of self by what has happened in the past. Define it by the joy that you know awaits you in the future.
Do you want to be everywhere at once and nowhere in particular? Or do you want to be a concentrated force for good? In order to ensure the latter, your first requirement is a pair of blinkers. You have to resist the temptation to be drawn away from your important task or idea. You have to protect your agenda and rationalise your time. You have to be ready for tempting offers, distracting dramas, irritating arguments and other reasons that make it hard to remain fully focused. And you have to ignore them all.
Take umbrage if you like. There is plenty to be had. Even though it seems as if a certain someone has taken all the umbrage, fresh supplies are being shipped in. Someone somewhere will always have reason to feel as if their nose has been put out of joint. The only thing about umbrage is that, although you can take as much of it as you want, you can't actually do anything useful with it. Indeed, it sours all else you have. Instead, take heart from an inspiring change. It's time to let go of a resentment.