Blessed are they who have no expectations for they shall not be disappointed.' I can't remember where I first heard this or who said it. But it struck me as wry and wise. I still think it has some merit, that's why I am quoting it now. But these days, I am inclined to challenge it. It may save disappointment but it is also a recipe for a life that's void of excitement, you are fully entitled to entertain some expectations - as long as they are positive.
Even people who consciously cultivate a sharp edge to their personality are rarely so resilient that they welcome blame and criticism. Only the evil villains in adventure comic books take positive pride in being loathed and detested. And they are fictional characters, by now, should have helped you see the need to think more forgivingly about someone's bad behaviour. This time, it should become even clearer that a conciliatory conversation will bring far more worthwhile progress than a confrontation.
 When children squabble and parents intervene, it is rarely long before someone says, 'He started it.' Or it could be 'she'. I don't mean to be sexist. But males and females alike have a tendency to apportion blame; and they never fully grow out of it. Even when it is pointed out to them, even when briefly in a calm moment they can concede that they may be responsible for some conflict.
It becomes difficult to suppress that urge once passions start to run high again. Your recipe for peace, involves 'being big'.We all find it hard to distinguish between intuition and intellect. Both these inner-voices vie for our attention - and nor are they the only contributors to the inner-dialogue. We also find ourselves hearing more than the usual amount from anxiety, anger and need. These have voices too, but they rarely sing together in harmony. In your head lately, you have been hearing quite a cacophony soon, they will slowly start to sound more like a choir.